My horoscope for May 19: It could be that you are a bit confused and nothing seems to fit right. You feel like you are faced with a hundred different roads and are unsure of which one to go down. All the choices seem reasonable, and you may be scared that you are missing out on something great if you choose only one. The truth of the matter is they can all be great if you incorporate what you have learned from the paths you have already taken to get where you are right now. Trust yourself.
What do you do when the only person in the whole world that you can trust is yourself? And levels of trust, how do you deal with that? Sure I trust my kids with everything including my life. I can't trust my brother at all. I trusted a man with my heart and he spent the better part of ten years finding ways to break it until there was nothing left to break.
Funny that trust thing with your significant other. I trusted him to watch out for me, protect me, care for me and in return there was nothing I would deny him. In the end, he lied to me, cheated and even today, months after we called it quits, still finds a way to stick a knife into me with his caustic rants. Why? Does it really make him feel good to write those words? Is it his defense mechanism?
Can you remain friends when you've shared so much, good and bad, really bad? I can be friends with just about anyone. But being a friend, doesn't mean I trust them. I don't want to be mistrustful, but I can't help it. I've been down that road a time or two, and if you feel in your gut that there is something wrong, there probably is. Sigh.
I know this posting seems a little disjointed, but that's how I feel tonight. Out of sorts, kinda weird. I am leaving for a fabulous vacation tomorrow and yet I am not happy, not feeling good about it and far from ready. (No packing done yet, etc)
Anyway I will write more later. Think on it for a while.
Calli
What do you do when the only person in the whole world that you can trust is yourself? And levels of trust, how do you deal with that? Sure I trust my kids with everything including my life. I can't trust my brother at all. I trusted a man with my heart and he spent the better part of ten years finding ways to break it until there was nothing left to break.
Funny that trust thing with your significant other. I trusted him to watch out for me, protect me, care for me and in return there was nothing I would deny him. In the end, he lied to me, cheated and even today, months after we called it quits, still finds a way to stick a knife into me with his caustic rants. Why? Does it really make him feel good to write those words? Is it his defense mechanism?
Can you remain friends when you've shared so much, good and bad, really bad? I can be friends with just about anyone. But being a friend, doesn't mean I trust them. I don't want to be mistrustful, but I can't help it. I've been down that road a time or two, and if you feel in your gut that there is something wrong, there probably is. Sigh.
I know this posting seems a little disjointed, but that's how I feel tonight. Out of sorts, kinda weird. I am leaving for a fabulous vacation tomorrow and yet I am not happy, not feeling good about it and far from ready. (No packing done yet, etc)
Anyway I will write more later. Think on it for a while.
Calli
1 comment:
At one point, definitely a misguided one, I had hopes of remaining friends with my ex. And I am the one that rants, so it is me telling myself that it would be unlikely that a friendship would work. I wanted to fill a hole left by him, with the same person that made that hole. We had a meal together, and I was left with the feeling that he really did not want to be there, and it made me look at my reasons for trying. He ran away as fast as he could, and that just hurt my feelings all over again. Why? Because friends don't do that. I felt like I forced myself on him.
As for trust, I know exactly what you mean. I wish I did have children that I could spend time with. I trust very few people in my life at this point, and feel that if I attempted to start a relationship with another man my past would follow me. I am leaning more and more towards not doing that again. Perhaps I am past the point where a man in my life is needed, I had brainwashed myself so well into believing I had to have someone. I really do prefer friends, because when you really need them, they are there. They are not going to hurt you by thinking someone else is better.
When it comes down to it Cali, we are the byproducts of broken men. They feel that they need something more to be happy. We thought that we were that person. That kind of betrayal is rarely found in friends. They chose us, we support each other. The broken men? Will remain that way, nothing will fix them, they deceive themselves more than anyone else, and it won't be fixed by another woman.
Maybe I am wrong to rant..there was just so much left unsaid, it kept coming out. How your ex can blame you, I cannot understand.
Lol..my one rant back from him was basically a STFU, because I touched a nerve. Just remember, and I guess this goes for me too, it is his unhappiness that is being blasted, and You did not do that, he did.
Hugs and love,
k
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