I know, I've been a little lazy, but I can explain!! LOL

Hello my Callista's,


I hope this finds you well. It's been a little over a week or so since I posted. There's just been so much going on, it's been tough to keep up. I will try to give you a run down, and let you know what's happened since we last chatted, what I am expecting in the next couple days and basically, where I am going from here.

My last posting was on the 18th and my friend Steve was not expected to live out the week. He passed on the morning of the 20th surrounded by his wife and loved ones. While I am glad that he is no longer suffering, I hurt for his family. He was young by most standards and had a young daughter. He will be missed greatly. I also hurt for his friends. We loved Steve. He and I had been friends since the early 90's. Although we didn't see each other more than a couple times a year in recent years, we were still in touch via email. He wanted to write more songs and do some recording. But I don't think Steve was naive in what was in store. From his email to me on April 17th.

"So I'm exited about the radiation, I can deal with the rest, just not that pain! If my retirement's going to be short, it's going to be fun." "I am in good spirits...I'm so lucky I live in a bright, cheerful house, with a bright, cheerful family...we can even joke about it sometimes, what a comfort!"

Rest in peace my friend.

I have a new Grandson. He's just over 2 months old now. I have been spending as much time with him as I can because he changes so much from day to day! When my Granddaughter was born back in 1996, I wasn't in a position to spend a lot of time with her because I worked two jobs and sometimes three. Then when the baby was just 6 months old, my Daughter moved out of state for more than a year. So my Granddaughter was 3 years old before I had the opportunity to spend some real time with her. By then, the damage was done. While she and I have some time together now, it's never been as close or as much as I have been able to spend with my Grandson since he was born in March. Trying to make up for lost time is tough. I know now how important it is to stay close to my kids and Grandchildren. I hope they learn how important it is to stay close to me. Hope. lol

On Friday my band played at Paradiso's Restaurant in Alexandria. It was a great gig. We had a smallish birthday party for Liz. Liz has been battling Esophageal cancer. F*ck cancer. I can't believe this pariah has not been slayed yet. Liz was diagnosed last fall and so far she appears to be holding her own. I don't know Liz really well, but we share a group of friends, many of whom I have known for 15 or 20 years. I can see what she means to them and in the past several months as I have learned more about Liz and the kind of person she is, I have grown to love her myself. Resistance is futile. So doing the only thing I know how to do, we tried to raise a lot of awareness about Esophageal cancer and a little bit of cash for Liz. With the help of many wonderful folks, we have done that and plan to continue having events in the future. Sending lots of love and healing thoughts to Liz and her family.

On Saturday, we played at Brittany's in Lake Ridge. It's always a good time, but hard to tell what the crowd will be like each time we play. Bob and his staff are always good to us, and because it's a pretty big room, the guys like to play there so they can get loud. LOL. This was one of the rare times when there really wasn't anyone in the room that we knew. There were folks who had been there when we've played before, and it was really nice to see familiar faces, but that was it. The local crowd was lighter than normal, but they stayed til the end and there was dancing to be had!! Great fun with the folks who started dancing on the second song and kept going til 1am!! The highlight of the night for me, was when my Daughter and her friends showed up around midnight. Unbeknownst to me, My daughter's friend Amy was related to a friend who came to see Dave the bass player. It was a fabulous connection! My daughter also honored me by bringing me a dozen roses which were beautiful. It was just nice to see them especially since this weekend I seem to be feeling a little at odds, but the roses were over the top. When the kids were little, I never gave much thought or expectations about how things would be when my kids were adults. I certainly never expected to sit with them at a bar where my band is playing, chatting about their day and catching up on the friends lives. I had given music up for the biggest part of 35 years until the past 6 years. So I couldn't have imagined a night like this. Left me feeling warm and fuzzy inside.

So what's next? Well, I have a trip to Tennessee in a couple weeks. I am looking very forward to this trip. I am going with some friends. One friend I know well, the other two I am looking forward to getting to know. I haven't been to Nashville since 1981. It's time I go back to see what I've missed. I'll also be attending "Fan Fair" or Fan Appreciation Week as it's called now, for the first time since 1969. Looking forward to the meet and greets and the concerts. It's going to be a blast!! I will post pictures and stuff when we go.

I have a lot more to say, but it's time to close this installment. It's late and one of the things I am trying to change is my failure to get enough rest. I tend to be a night owl. lol I will write more later.

As time goes on, this blog may turn a little dark as I am dealing with some personal challenges and issues that have roots in my childhood. Not a pretty time in my life. You may learn more about me that you ever wanted to know. There may be times when you lose your respect for me, become angry with me or pity me for revelations that might come out of these little chats. I will apologize in advance if you feel this way, but in order to resolve the issues I have today, I have to go back and put the old issues to rest. Hoping I have the strength to pack those bags and donate them. Need to clean out the attic anyway.

So til next time...one bag at a time, I'm moving on.


Calli

 

It's Wednesday....hump day. Should be a good day right? Not always.

So things are looking up these days. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel I have been trying to crawl out of for 10 years. The nerve problem I am dealing with is beginning to subside, still need a couple tests but yesterday's news was, it's not fabulous, but not horrible either.

And then I get a note from the wife of a friend named Steve telling me that instead of months, it's probably days maybe hours before Steve passes on.

Steve had let me know last month that he was diagnosed with cancer. He seemed kinda nonchalant about it really. "I'm getting radiation, been through 4 of 10 treatments. Let's do some recording! I wrote another song I want you to sing for me. My schedule is wide open now because I had to retire due to the cancer." That was April 24th.

Somewhere around May 5th he went into the hospital to correct an unrelated issue. (I am sure it probably is more related to the cancer than they know.) He came home this past Saturday and then on Sunday morning very early was rushed back to the hospital fearing he was having a heart attack. He coded in the ambulance and was not resuscitated within 20 minutes. They did bring him back but the result yesterday was no cognitive brain function. Dang. In 20 minutes, more damage than a lifetime of drinking and smoking pot ever did. Steve is funny, kind, has a great ear for sound, he's a wonderful musician in his own right, a card carrying atheist and opinionated beyond all measure. But most importantly to me, is Steve is my friend. I spent every single Thursday evening at the Lonesome Dove in Alexandria for years singing karaoke at Steve's show. It was my night out. Probably the reason why when I think about going out for karaoke it's always Thursday. Like this week I will be going to the Electric Palm for karaoke. And just for you Steve, I'll sing Midnight Confessions.

On a positive note, I get to meet Grace Potter today and hear her sing in an intimate radio station venue. I am looking forward to that cause I love her stuff. So for Steve, here's my favorite Grace Potter song, Big White Gate.

Steve, I know you're an atheist but I still love ya and I'll pray for your soul. Hugs and prayers for peace to Laura and Nicole.

I've just seen a face.....

Aries for May 16th, 2011 - Find a quiet space to ask yourself what's really underlying your choices lately. Did you turn down that last date request just because you were nervous? Be as honest as you can, and you should make good decisions.

 
Have you ever had someone from your past reappear after many years but feel like it was only yesterday when you saw them last? Have you picked up the conversation as if no time had passed, just like you had been in contact all along? I had that happen today. Someone I haven't seen in years, but chatted with from time to time online, someone who I enjoy seeing and love chatting with. It's been 11 years since we met the first time, and easily 8 years since the last time we've seen each other in person. But our conversation tonight was as if it was only yesterday. I was very happy to see you my friend.

There have been folks in my life who come and go all the time. People I have known for 20 years, but haven't really spoken to. People I reconnected with in recent years after many years of no contact. This one is no different except for the reason we stopped communicating. Perhaps misunderstandings of intentions got in the way, maybe the time wasn't right, a case of wrong people - right time, right people - wrong time. Perhaps my low self esteem caused me to sabotage what might have been because it was too good to be true? Possibly. Who knows?  That's what second chances are all about. If I had it to do over again, what would I do differently? Well it appears that I might find out!

I had a fabulous time reconnecting and renewing that friendship under the watchful eye of two women who have known me the longest. Thank you Deb and Carol for being there tonight. It was nice to know I had an "out" if things were not comfortable. I enjoyed my evening. Open the doors and let the talking begin!

I believe that God puts you in the place that you are supposed to be in at the time you are supposed to be there. I am glad to have you back on my radar friend. Life is an adventure, one experience at a time. Let's see where this trail leads.

Good night my Callistas!

Sunday - a day of reflection

It's not really raining today but the sun isn't really shining either. Kinda like the weather on the day this picture was taken. This was in Virginia Beach, probably around 1998. It was April, that much I do know and would have to have been 1998 since Michael and Jon were with us and they were 16 and 15 respectively. David and I had taken advantage of a couple of time share offers to spend a few days in Va Beach at hotels for free. He was always very good about the great unknown and taking advantage of a time share offer can be a crap shoot at times. But we had a good time nonetheless.

I snapped this picture the day we were leaving to return home. David had just said to me, "I love you THIS much." And he certainly did. That much and more. It's been almost 11 years since David went on to the next level. In all of that time I have discussed, worried, wondered and fretted over what to do with what was left behind. I have pretty much decided that this is the year to finally make that decision and act on it. So later this year in the fall, David and I are going back to the beach one last time. I found the perfect place and I think he'll like it there. Many of you would agree, especially those of you who knew him personally. Near Daytona, there is a very cool nude beach. I am going down in early October and that's where I will leave his ashes and where I will go looking for him when I go back from time to time. It feels right.

Miss you lots Bear.

Welcome to day 4 of my new life... it's been pretty good so far.

Hello Callistas! (new name for folks following this blog)


I decided earlier this week it was time to actually do this blog and do it on a regular basis. I am working through some challenges in my life and writing seems to be a good way to release a lot of pent up past. It's been far too long since the last entry, but time just gets away from me sometimes. There will be times when I won't know what to write about. Times when things that are going on in my life seem to be too deep and too personal to write about. I'll have to take those times as they come and deal with them. I wish there were some way for me to just make audio notes on a recorder and upload it to the blog. That would be faster, easier and far more entertaining. Possibly considering video, but that will be in the future as well. Til I figure it out, this will have to do.

Many folks know I sing in a band. The band is called Five By Five and I work with a fabulous group of musicians who are kind enough to allow me to hang with them. We have a good time. When I am not out with my band, I try to go out and support other groups in the area. I'll write about them from time to time. I encourage everyone to get out and support the local music scene. Whether it's cover music like my band, or originals, live music breathes life into a community. If we have nothing else in common, there is always music. Bridges the gap between people even when spoken language is a barrier, music is a universal language.

Badlands is an amazing 5 piece band doing classic rock to current covers. Rachel the lead singer is simply infectious with her vibrant personality and out there, in your face performances. I love watching her and I love singing with her. She is the performer I wish I could be. Her confidence shines!! Maybe some of that confidence will rub off on me some day! The band plays very well together and you can tell they are all having a good time and frankly that it what it's all about.

Badlands played at the Electric Palm Friday night and that place is just a great music venue. The Palm is a waterfront, covered out door patio venue. Food I hear is good, bar staff is certainly friendly. I intended to spend the evening with a couple friends, (Ken, Tracy, Sonya, Roy) and just listen to some music, but it became apparent very quickly that this was going to be a really fun night. Eventually I became surrounded by a table of folks that I not only love as friends, but people who are pretty great performers as well. The night turned into a veritable jam session with musicians from all genres performing with Badlands. Gordon lent his keyboard skills for a few songs, Bern and his raspy voice, custom made for the blues, gave a rocking performance complete with a harp solo. I got the chance to sing a tune or two with Rachel. There were others in the audience from other bands. Just a really relaxing night full of music. It was my favorite way to spend an evening! Kudos to all who were there mentioned above and Lisa, Jeff, and new friend Richard.

Today, I spent the early afternoon with Ken and Tracy at the St. Sophia Greek Orthodox Festival in DC. The food is amazing. I had a Feta Burger to die for!! There was even a stand with some girls from the DC Cupcake show on TLC selling Georgetown Cupcakes (the best in the world.) I didn't have a cupcake but I did get two for my friends so they could try them. I am trying to be good, and with a Georgetown Cupcake within 100 yards it is difficult!

We listened to some music, walked around a little. I bought a pair of beads with the Greek Eye on them to make earrings and I caved in and purchased some glass beads for my faux Pandora bracelet. Stayed within my budget for the day (Winning!) Thanks for a great day guys!

On the way to the Greek Festival, we happened upon the DC Embassy tour. The embassy's were open to the public today. Many of them had food, and displays. Some were selling items. We went through the Embassy of Napal, and oddly enough the Iraq Embassy. Folks in both were very nice, incredibly welcoming. It was a nice experience. Seeing the metal detectors at the Iraq embassy was a little strange but understandable. I wish I had taken more time to check out the Embassy day but I will have to save that for next year!

Well it's late and I need to get some things done at the house. I am doing some housecleaning this weekend, throwing out old memories along with the baggage from the past. Sometimes it only makes it as far as the porch, but I am learning, growing and eventually all that junk will make it to the curb. Just gonna take a little time.

Till later,

Calli